Deer Park Retreat 2004, Day 3

2/22/04
7:15 AM Field Trip Day!

Today at breakfast I took two slices of apple. Was there ever anything so perfect as an apple? Crisp, fresh and sweet, it left my mouth feeling clean. I ate part of it with cheese, part without, & some cheese by itself. I enjoyed the different flavor & texture combinations on my tongue. It’s amazing how interesting food is when you pay attention. I wonder what mindfulness can do for sex…

Ah, yes, over 48 hours without sexual release, & I’m feeling it. I’m not aroused, it’s more of a feeling of vague lacking, like something’s missing. As with everything else going on around me right now, I simply note it & move on.

I met a cute guy last night in the tea room while I was journaling. It’s funny that I would perceive him that way here. I hadn’t realized how accustomed I am to interacting with men as sexual creatures. I saw the guy this morning at the dining hall and he motioned for me to go through the door ahead of him. We smiled wordlessly as we’re practicing noble silence. But there was nothing flirty about it. It was the same smile I’d have given anyone, & I’m sure his was the same.

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